Master Stress in Only 10 Minutes a Day

Master Stress in Only 10 Minutes a Day
by Dharma Singh Khalsa

As I write this article, the stock market continues its wild gyrations and the economic and other rampant stress of our times is beginning to take its toll on our health.
This is not just my opinion, it’s also been shown in a recent poll published by the American Psychological Association (APA).1 Money and the economy topped the list of stressors for at least 80% of those surveyed. Finances now overshadow the more usual daily stressors of work and relationships, with 46% of people reporting that their stress is due to worries about providing for their family’s basic needs.

My own research clarifies that when you feel you have less control over your stress, it definitely causes you more concern. It raises your internal mind, body, and emotional threat level.2
Women Worse Off

Unfortunately, the brunt of this economic stress is falling upon women more than men. According to the APA’s poll, compared with men, more women say they are stressed about money, the economy, job stability, housing costs, and health problems affecting their families.
Ladies of the boomer generation (ages 44-62) and Matures (aged 63+) are most likely to report the economy as a significant stressor, while women in general rank financial worries above personal health. Female Boomers report increases in stress associated with their job stability and health problems affecting their families.

Moreover, mature women are reporting dramatic increases in stress associated with family health concerns (87%), the economy (92%), and money (77%).
Beyond that, Generation Xers (ages 30-43) and Millennials (ages 18-29) are not immune from financial worries either. Generation Xers are the women most concerned about money (89% report money as a source of stress) and Millennials are most concerned about housing costs as a source of stress (75%).

The current work from the APA clearly reveals that our economic stress is causing more than half of Americans to report irritability, anger, fatigue, headaches, and sleeplessness. What’s worse, these stress sufferers say they self-medicate by over-eating unhealthy foods, over drinking, and generally straying from healthy habits.1

In addition to the above-mentioned symptoms, the rise in stress-related issues can:
1. Weaken your immune system
2. Raise your blood pressure
3. Disturb your sleep
4. Lead to depression
5. Cause memory loss

So What Can You Do?
As seen in the picture below, in 1949, a Swiss physiologist named Dr. Walter Hess, won the Nobel Prize in Physiology and Medicine by revealing that two separate and distinct centers exist in your brain. The one on the left is the stress center, while the other one is an anti-stress center.3

An x-ray of the brain’s stress (left) and relaxation centers (right).
When you are able to activate the anti-stress spot by following the directions below, many wonderful health-promoting events occur. Your blood pressure goes down, your pulse decreases, your unhealthy stress chemicals plummet, and, perhaps most importantly, the amount of oxygen your body needs goes down.
This puts you into a true anti-aging zone, because, when you use less oxygen, you create fewer free radicals, which are a hallmark of the aging process.4
Additionally, as emerging medical research shows, the relaxation response changes your genetic expression for the better. The reason is because unbalanced stress shortens the tip of your gene called the telomere, and relaxation lengthens your telomere because it stops the harmful effects of stress on your genes. This new search shows that relaxation techniques such as meditation, actually “turn off” the disease-promoting process stress causes.5
Over the years, there have been hundreds, if not thousands of research studies revealing many health and healing benefits of regular relaxation techniques such as meditation, prayer, visualization, and so on, including the picture of a much younger brain. Regions involved in memory and attention were thicker in people who meditated regularly. While these areas tend to shrink with age, older meditators were able to ward off some of this shrinkage.6-7
Meditation has many other positive benefits as well. As seen in the illustration below, in many research studies over three decades, meditation has been shown to help your heart, reduce anxiety, soften chronic pain, and increase longevity.6

Regular meditation improves health and reduces disease.

A compilation of studies modeled after an article published by the Transcendental Meditation people many years ago. I wrote about it in Meditation as Medicine.
Here are the four steps needed to enter into the stress-mastering relaxation zone:

1. Comfort: You don’t have to sit like a pretzel to meditate. You can enter the zone in a soft chair. One caveat is that you don’t want to be so comfortable that you fall asleep.
Quiet: Your relaxation time is a special time, not to be interrupted by checking e-mail, blackberries, cell phones, or pets. Your time to meditate is sacred. If your spouse or significant other doesn’t meditate, they shouldn’t be in the room with you. The same holds true for children.

2. A Tool: In the basic form of relaxation, your tool can be any thought, sound, short prayer, or phrase upon that you wish to focus. It can literally be anything. Even paying attention to your breath works well. Ideally your word should be something easy. Examples are peace, love, heal, or the word one, which has a long history of being used in the research on basic relaxation and meditation.

3. An Attitude: Once you begin the process, you’ll be surprised to discover that your mind reacts like a four-year-old child. If you ask a four-year-old to sit still, they will probably end up running all around the room. It’s the same with your mind. At a time when you expect your mind to calm down, it actually speeds up. Why is this so? Well, all the pressure you have stored inside your mind is pent up in there. So, when we begin to elicit the response, it’s as if a trap door opens and “boom,” all these thoughts come flying out:

“Why didn’t I go to the bathroom before I started?
“I have to balance my checkbook.”
“I sure hope we get that mortgage.”
“Where’s my brother? He was supposed to be here an hour ago.”
“Whatever happened to Joan from the first grade?”

When you practice this technique, your mind will be bombarded by thoughts.

I’ve been doing it for three decades and it still happens to me every day. Not to worry. This is simply the normal stress-releasing process and is expected. It’s what you do with the thoughts that really count.

And what you do is — just let them go and return to your word.

As one of my patients from England once said in a great Beatles accent, “Oh, Dr. Dharma. You mean you just start all over again?” That’s right. When other thoughts enter your mind, you just start all over again. The way you do that is by going back to your focus word. For example, let’s say your word is one. When other thoughts enter into your mind, you simply say to yourself: “Oh, well, [your name], “relax, one.” That’s all there is to it.

To end the technique, simply inhale, hold your breath for a moment, and exhale. Then inhale again, slowly stretch your arms up, exhale, and relax. Slowly open your eyes and hold your gaze on whatever you see, for about one minute. Then inhale, exhale, and take your time getting up.
Believe it or not, you only have to do this for 10 minutes at least once every day, preferably before breakfast, to get the full effect. If you can do it a second time in the afternoon, all the better.

You can use a digital clock or even open your eyes and look at your wristwatch. Just don’t use an alarm, because it’s too startling. What you’ll find, with time, is that your mind will automatically know when the time is up.
It’s easy.

Best of Blessings,
Dr. Dharma

References
Stress In America; American Psychological Association Report, October 7, 2008.
Khalsa, D. 1998. Alternative therapies in Health and Medicine. 4(6): 38-43.
Hess WR. Dtsch Med Wochenschr. 1961; 86 3-8.
Beary, J,F, & Benson, H. (1974). Psychosomatic Medicine. 36, 115-120.
Dusek, J, et al. PLoS One 3(7): e2576, Published online July 2, 2008.
Khalsa, D. Meditation as Medicine. Atria Books 2001.
Lazar, S et al. 2005. Neuroreport. 16 17): 1893-1897.

Inspiration: The Power that Drives Your Creativity

Inspiration: The Power that Drives Your Creativity
by Dr. Matthew Anderson

When was the last time you felt truly inspired?
Can you remember the physical sensations that went with it?
How about the intense emotions that accompanied it?
Did your mind join in with ideas, plans and
possibilities for creative action?
Did this experience lead to something amazing
and wonderful in your life?
Is it something you would like to experience more often?

To be inspired implies an infusion of spirit — to be filled with a spirit of energy that can often feel powerful, exciting, stimulating, creative and even divine. Inspiration has been at the core of almost every great accomplishment known to human beings. But, for most people it seems to come and go at will, essentially uncontrollable. What if that was not the case? What if you could increase the frequency and intensity of inspiration with the proper use of certain techniques? Would you want to know more?

The experience of inspiration can become a regular part of your life if you are willing to follow the guidelines I have outlined below. They work for me and they will work for you.

Guidelines for Inviting Inspiration

Since we cannot control inspiration (trying to control it usually kills it), we need to learn how to invite it into our inner being. It is something that comes to us (or wells up within us) when we have created a receptive container. Here is how to do that.

1. Be willing to honor inspiration when it arrives. Be respectful.

2. Value imagination. Staying in your head (being rational and pragmatic) is the antithesis of creativity. Imagination is central and essential to the development of your inspiration.

3. Allow positive emotions to be part of the process. Feelings like wonder, excitement, joy, and enthusiasm nurture and encourage inspiration.

4. Practice stillness. Inspiration most often appears during times of quiet reflection. Excessive busyness will completely block the flow.

5. Pray for it. I often pray this simple prayer: “God open my heart and mind to receive your creativity and inspiration.”

6. Act on it. Action indicates that you are a trustworthy recipient of the gift. Once you have passed this “test” you will experience an increased flow of inspiration.

Let Providence Work It’s Magic

Finally, remember and trust in the following statement made by the great poet and philosopher, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832). I have posted it on the wall in my office. You might do the same.

“Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one commits oneself, then Providence moves too…

"Whatever you can do,Or dream you can, begin it,Boldness has genius,Power and magic in it.”

The 7 Steps to Happily Ever After

The 7 Steps to Happily Ever After
Feature from "Redbook" Magazine

By Marjorie Ingall

What makes love last a lifetime? Affection? Yep. Respect? Sure. But a great marriage is not just about what you have. It's about what you do to make a relationship stronger, safer, more caring and committed. Here's how to make your "forever" fantastic.

Marriage is a home, a refuge against the outside storms. And like any house, it requires a strong, lasting foundation. To build one, every couple needs to take certain steps — seven, to be precise — that turn the two of you into not just you and me but we. You may not move through all the steps in order, and you may circle back to complete certain steps again (and again and again). But if you make it through them all, you'll be well on your way toward creating a marriage that will be your shelter as long as you both shall live.

Step 1: Find a shared dream for your life together.

It's easy to get caught up in the small stuff of married life: What's for dinner tonight? Whose turn is it to clean the litter box? Did you pay the electric bill? But the best partners never lose sight of the fact that they're working together to achieve the same big dreams. "Successful couples quickly develop a mindfulness of 'us,' of being coupled," says REDBOOK Love Network expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City. "They have a shared vision, saying things like, 'We want to plan to buy a house, we want to take a vacation to such-and-such a place, we like to do X, we think we want to start a family at Y time.'"

This kind of dream-sharing starts early. "Couples love to tell the story of how they met," points out Julie Holland, M.D., a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City and a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. "It's like telling a fairy tale. But happy couples will go on creating folklore and history, with the meet-cute forming the bedrock of the narrative." As you write and rewrite your love story ("our hardest challenge was X, our dream for retirement is Y"), you continually remind yourselves and each other that you're a team with shared values and goals. And P.S.: When you share a dream, you're a heck of a lot more likely to make that dream come true.

Step 2: Ignite (and reignite) a sexual connection.

In any good relationship, sex is way more than just a physical act. It's crucial for the health of your emotional connection, too: It's something only the two of you share; it makes you both feel warm and loved; it draws you back together when you're drifting apart. And did I mention that it's a whole lot of fun?

Striking up those sparks when you first meet is easy. Nurturing a strong, steady flame? That's the hard part. When you've got a mortgage, a potbelly, and a decade or two of togetherness under your belts, it can be hard to muster up the fire you felt when you first got together. That's when it's even more important to protect your sex life and make it a priority. "You have to keep working to create allure and seduction for each other or your sex life will become lackluster," Greer points out. "Who wants the same turkey sandwich over and over? You want it on whole wheat! On toast! As turkey salad! On a roll!" (And now I will imagine my husband covered with Russian dressing. Thanks, Dr. Greer.)

As the years go by, you'll keep revisiting and realigning and reimagining the passion you have for each other. And if you keep at it, you'll have a sex life that transcends your marriage's lack of newness, the stresses of family and work, the physical changes that come with aging. Now that's something worth holding on to.

Step 3: Choose each other as your first family.

For years, you were primarily a member of one family: the one in which you grew up. Then you got married, and suddenly you became the foundation of a new family, one in which husband and wife are the A-team. It can be tough to shift your identity like this, but it's also an important part of building your self-image as a duo (and maybe, eventually, as three or four or...).

For me, making this transition meant stopping the incessant bitching to my mom when I was mad at my husband — my behavior was disloyal, and I had to learn to talk to Jonathan, not about him. My friend Lynn tells the story of her mother's reaction to a trip to the Middle East she and her then-boyfriend (now husband) had planned. Her mother hit the roof, calling incessantly to urge Lynn not to go. Eventually, Lynn's boyfriend got on the phone with Mom and explained why they were excited to share this experience. "It was clear then that we were the team," Lynn says now. "Not teaming up against my mother, but teaming up together to deal with her issues."

Whatever your challenges — an overprotective mom? an overly critical father-in-law? — you have to outline together the boundaries between you and all of the families connected to you. Not only will you feel stronger as a united front but when you stick to your shared rules, all that family baggage will weigh on you a lot less.

Step 4: Learn how to fight right.

I'm embarrassed to think of how I coped with conflict early in my relationship with Jonathan. I stormed out — a lot. I once threw an apple at his head. Hard. (Don't worry, I missed — on purpose.) I had a terrible habit of threatening divorce at the slightest provocation. But eventually I figured that this was pretty moronic. I didn't want out, and I knew that pelting someone with fruit was not a long-term marital strategy.

"Fighting is the big problem every couple has to deal with," says Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., a psychologist and couples therapist in Oakland, CA, and author of After the Fight. That's because fights will always come up, so every couple needs to learn how to fight without tearing each other apart.

Fighting right doesn't just mean not throwing produce; it means staying focused on the issue at hand and respecting each other's perspective. Couples that fight right also find ways to defuse the tension, says Wile — often with humor. "Whenever one of us wants the other to listen up, we mime hitting the TV remote, a thumb pressing down on an invisible mute button," says Nancy, 52, an event producer in San Francisco. "It cracks us up, in part because it must look insane to others." Even if you fight a lot, when you can find a way to turn fights toward the positive — with a smile, a quick apology, an expression of appreciation for the other person — the storm blows away fast, and that's what matters.

Step 5: Find a balance between time for two and time for you.

Jonathan and I both work at home. This frequently leads to murderous impulses. Though I'm typing away in the bedroom and he's talking to his consulting clients in our small home office, most days it really feels like too much intimacy for me.

But that's my bias. When it comes to togetherness, every couple has its own unique sweet spot. "There are couples that are never apart and there are couples that see each other only on weekends," Greer says. With the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered. You have enough non-shared experiences to fire you up and help you maintain a sense of yourself outside the relationship — not to mention give you something to talk about at the dinner table. But you also have enough time together to feel your connection as a strong tie rather than as a loose thread.

Your togetherness needs will also change over time, so you'll have to shift your balance accordingly. "My husband and I spend a lot of time together, but it's almost all family time," says Katie, 40, a mom of two in San Leandro, CA. "We realized a few months ago that we hadn't had a conversation that didn't involve the kids or our to-do lists in ages, so we committed to a weekly date. We were so happy just to go to the movies and hold hands, something we hadn't done in ages. It felt like we were dating again!"

Step 6: Build a best friendship.

Think about the things that make your closest friendships irreplaceable: the trust that comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict. Don't those sound like good things to have in your marriage, too?

"Happy couples are each other's haven," says Holland. "They can count on the other person to listen and try to meet their needs." Greer adds, "When you're true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is; you don't try to control or change them. This creates a sense of safety and security when you're together — you know you're valued for who you are and you see the value in your partner."

Then there's the way, when you've been with someone a while, that you become almost a mind reader. You have a shared history and inside jokes. Your guy knows what you'll find funny, you forward him links to articles you know he'll enjoy, and best of all, you two can make eye contact at a given moment and say volumes without opening your mouths. And is there anything more pleasurable than sharing the newspaper with someone? Sitting in companionable silence, absorbed in your respective reading, sipping coffee, occasionally reading something out loud, but mostly just lazing happily together, communing without needing to speak? Ahh....

Step 7: Face down a major challenge together.

You're sailing along through life, and suddenly you hit a huge bump. A serious illness. Unemployment. The loss of a home. A death in the family. How do you cope?

The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it's tested. All too often, the stress of a crisis can pull a couple apart. But the good news is, when you do make it through in one piece, you might just find yourselves tighter than ever.

"What didn't happen to us?" says Daryl, 28, a preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. "My husband lost his job and took a minimum-wage job he was way overqualified for just to make ends meet. He was offered a better job in a mountain town outside San Diego, so we moved. Then during the California wildfires several years ago, our house burned down and we lost everything. We were living in a one-room converted garage with no running water and a newborn. But we found that this chaos somehow brought us even closer together. We took turns losing it. We really kept each other sane."

Hey, marriage is no roll in the hay. It's tough, real work. But the reward, the edifice you build together that will shelter you through years of tough times, is more than worth the effort. The small, friendly cottage you build — decorated with your shared history and stories, filled with color and laughter — will be the warmest and safest retreat you can imagine.